To Remember or not to Remember? The Calm.
So I am at work on a Friday night, plugging away at drafting a motion to compel discovery for one of our cases. Beyond imagining what it would be like to have known how to draft these three years ago, my mind wanders when I click on each month of the archive category. I called Lindsey, who is on her way to the office to meet me for a date night in The Woodlands. I asked her, “should I show the archives from the beginning of the website’s existence?” At the moment, the coding only showed the past 12 months and the previous months were hidden. I was nervous about it. Did I want others to see where my head was two years ago? THREE years ago? Lindsey replied, “Yes, Web. They need to see the whole story, not a tidbit of narration during a time of relative peace.”
Quite compelled, I read all of my words, my assertions, beliefs, predictions, moments of inspiration, expressions of faith and fear. Foremost, I don’t regret a word. But more importantly, it took my breath away. It has only been three years. The focus of this website seems to have shifted from “LOOK AT THIS INJUSTICE!” through “WHEN I AM EXONERATED, YOU’RE GONNA HAVE PERMANENT EGG ON YOUR FACE, SIR.” to “Lord, give me the strength to survive until the promise is kept.” This website is such a wonderful thing. It is honest. It is reflective. It is arrogant, sad, shamed, broken, emboldened, faithful, thankful, loved and triumphant. It is beautiful. As beautiful as the photograph above, taken by me on June 12, 2006. I called this photo “Calm Before the Storm.” That calm always comes before the storm. The storm is creeping upon me, once more, conventionally speaking (101 days).
It is only then that I realize that the storm that crashed upon the shores of my life in 2006 has never ceased. It has never died or even slowed down. That is the beauty of it. All I see and feel is the calm.
